5,000 Great One Liners by Grant Tucker PDF

By Grant Tucker

ISBN-10: 1849544824

ISBN-13: 9781849544825

Whether advised within the rugby golf equipment of Wales or the gentlemen's golf equipment of London, their sharpness and ease unites us all. brief, candy and wickedly smart, they carry a distinct position within the annals of comedy, and because the upward push of Twitter heralds a resurrection of the artwork shape, there turns out no larger time to have fun the immortal one-liner. during this booklet, furnish Tucker does simply that, bringing jointly 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever informed in a single definitive quantity. Laugh-out-loud humorous, 5,000 nice One-Liners has the entire quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you are going to ever want – and an entire lot extra.

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Sample text

Air freshener: because there’s no louder way of telling the whole house that you’ve just had a shit. ’ He’s not pressing charges. My wife is leaving me because apparently I’m not ‘man enough’. Well, at least now I can watch Glee without her changing the channel. The bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an impostor. He never once moved diagonally. Man, I’m tired… I stayed up all night trying to remember if I have amnesia or insomnia. Police are looking for a man who robbed an off-licence using scissors.

They say a picture paints a thousand words. That’s my dissertation finished. My mate told me that I just don’t understand irony. Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on. My wife kicked me out so I’ve been living in a telephone box. I just wanted somewhere to call home. I saved loads of cash on the new iPhone yesterday. I didn’t buy one. When people ask me what my best qualities are, I always tell them my second-best quality is being mysterious.

A dog’s bark may be worse than his bite, but everyone prefers his bark. Bored shopping with the wife? Then get a tub of ketchup and leave a trail from the entrance to the tampon section. My car’s so crap that the resale value goes up and down depending on how much petrol is in it. Today I was conned into buying two fake entry tickets to Alton Towers. I thought I was going to be taken for a ride. Do you know how annoying it is when people answer their own questions? Very. Why don’t autobiographies ever end with the person writing a book?

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5,000 Great One Liners by Grant Tucker


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